


Reflection

by jukori



Series: We have to turn around - I forgot my handkerchief! [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Durincest, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jukori/pseuds/jukori
Summary: Durincest. Fili likes Kili and is pining for him from a distance.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: We have to turn around - I forgot my handkerchief! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/394441
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Reflection

  
"Is everything alright master dwarf?" Bilbo asked politely.

The question startled Fili. Honestly, the whole presence of the Hobbit startled him. How could someone with such big feet be so quiet?

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you," Bilbo continued as if he just realized that his behavior could have been considered rude.

The dwarf prince turned toward the Halfling and shook his head to reassure their Burglar that he was not offended, but rather impressed.

"I am fine," the blond replied in a manner he clearly adopted from his uncle. All moody and brooding. 

"You don't look fine," Bilbo raised an eyebrow. He offered the lad a sympathizing smile accompanied by a pipe filled with the Shire’s finest. The dwarf accepted.

"You know talking might help. Of course, I don't want to pry" he continued while fumbling with the lighter.

Fili inhaled the smoke deeply. It left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

"It's...I just...He," The young prince stumbled over his words as he tried to explain what’s bothering him. "Oh for Mahal's sake, never mind."

For a moment neither of them spoke. The Hobbit had learned that enduring the silence was a wise thing to do with those dwarfs. Sometimes they were a bit slow, and he could wait. There was no rush. What's important would rise sooner or later on its own, an old wizard and a good friend had taught him. Therefore, Bilbo took a seat next to the young dwarf and did exactly that. He did nothing.

"It's about Kili," Fili finally admitted. 

_Of course, it is_ , Bilbo thought but held his tongue. In his head, he briefly recapped the events of the night. It was a merry gathering in The Last Homely House East of the Sea. Needless to say that there was the occasional bickering about elves, however none out of the usual. The wine was sweet, the music good and the food plenty. Bilbo tried to remember if there'd been a quarrel between the brothers, but couldn’t think of any. Fili and Kili had been sitting side by side like so often, the younger’s arm wrapped loosely over Fili's shoulder and he seemed to lean a little too heavy into his brother's touch. Though the ale most likely played a role in that. As the evening went on the younger dwarf had developed an undeniable slur in his voice, but seriously it was nothing too troubling. And then Fili had just left.

"What about him?" Bilbo asked when no further information followed.

A blush crept into Fili’s face and his boots seemed suddenly incredibly interesting. The prince wasn't sure if he could confine the Hobbit in this particular issue, but on the other hand, the Halfling had proved to be a gentle soul with an open mind that could keep quiet in more than one sense. He really took a liking to the little fellow.

"Ilikehimmorethanabrothershould!"

"Come again?"

"I said, I like Kili a lot," Fili emphasized the last word.

"Of course you do. You two are brothers and-"

"No," Fili interrupted the hobbit. "I mean I really like him."

Bilbo's confused expression tested his patience. 

"More than just as a brother," Fili added.

"Oh. _Oh_!" The burglar went as red as a tomato. "Well in Hobbington marriage between cousins are rather common. And even love between siblings isn't unheard of and mostly accepted," Bilbo babbled. "Steve, my cousin on my mother's side, and Aunt Linda's first-born were very cute together - Fili?" He went quiet as he noticed Fili's absent expression. 

The lad sighed tiered.

"That's not the problem. A dwarf can't choose whom he falls for like Hobbits do," Fili clarified. "There is only one. Only one for us to love. Nobody would dare to stand between them. However, that does not mean that your other has to return your feelings. There are a lot of us who never find their soulmate or be with them," his voice faded.

"And are you sure that Kili is, you know, yours?" Bilbo trailed off.

"Yes," Fili answered without a doubt.

"Did you talk to him about it?"

"No! How could I?" Fili's words poured out of him and all the thoughts, he’d so carefully locked up, broke free. "He is my brother. My _little_ brother. What if he doesn't feel the same? He would never look at me again. He'd be disgusted. He'll hate me. Or worse, he would feel guilty and be with me out of pity. I would ruin his life! He doesn't know about love. He is nothing but a child and I would _force_ him into something he doesn't want and destroy everything!"

"Fili, lad calm down!"

By now, the dwarf was on his feet and shaking. Bilbo had never seen him so distraught.

"I - No. Kili cannot know about it. You have to promise Mr. Baggins!"

"All right! All right! I do. No word will cross my lips. I swear."

That seemed to help, and Fili relaxed a bit. They shared another quiet moment, both deep down in their own mind, till Bilbo disturbed the silence once more.

"But what about you?" He asked. „What are you gonna do?"

"I can handle it. I always did."

"Is that so? And how comes I found you sulking here alone?"

"I wasn't sulking." Fili retorted childishly before his shoulders slumped down. "It just gets sometimes really hard. You know we are close," he laughed bitterly. „Closer than close. And Kili is always overly affectionate. He's the touchy type. Especially when he had an ale too much."

"But that's not it, isn't it?" Bilbo concluded.

"No. Lately he ... he keeps telling me he loves me," Fili continued miserably.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

One look from the dwarf was enough to make the Hobbit back off.

"How can this be a good thing? My love and his love are entirely different," Fili spat in anger. „He rips my heart out every time he tells me. Hearing those words that mean everything to me and nothing to him just kills me! Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much to bear," the dwarf covered his face with his hands.

„Did you… did you try to keeping away from him?"

That earned the hobbit another humorless laugh.

"Yes. Yes, Mr. Hobbit, I did."

Fili cringed at the memory of brown eyes filled with tears and hurt. Never again, he had sworn himself. Never.

"But I couldn't do it. Not for long. Kili is like the moon, all beautiful and bright and I am nothing but a mere moth. When I look into his eyes there is something that just draws me in. And when he smiles the sun goes up. I know it's stupid, it's ridiculous, cheesy, irrational, and most of all it's hopeless."

 _It's love_ , Bilbo thought.

„I can't let him go," Fili continued faster. „I wanna hold him, be with him, wanna touch him, treasure him, want him for myself and myself alone, but most of all I want him to be happy." The pain in the young prince's voice was suddenly replaced with cold determination. „And if this is the only way to be with him, I will take what I can get, no matter the price. Even if it breaks me."

Bilbo didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could do for the lad.

„I am sorry. I wish I could help."

„No need to apologize," A tired smile fought its way on Fili's face as he patted the Halfling’s back and returned Bilbo's pipe. „Don't trouble yourself with my burden master hobbit."

"FILI! There you are," a happy Kili shouted from the distance and ran toward them. Well, actually he rather stumbled than ran. "Wasa you doing out here?" The youngest prince's slur had morphed into full-out tavern-jargon. "You really missed out. Dori put his whole fist in his mouth. It was hil- hila- hilary... It was funny!" Kili beamed. He tugged playfully at his brother's sleeve to make him stand up, but Fili didn't seem to get the message, so Kili leaned in to pull, tripping face-forward into the older's chest. Kili laughed against him and Fili joined in. He was a very good actor.

"Kili, how much did you drink?" Fili smiled softly at the dwarf in his arms.

"Enough for both of us brother dear~," Kili giggled in response.

Fili rolled his eyes and moved finally upwards. Carefully he slung an arm around Kili's waist to keep his foolish little brother from falling again.

"Let's call it a night then."

He turned to Bilbo and nodded.

"Thank you master hobbit." And with that he navigated his brother back into the homely homes of Rivendell, leaving the hobbit behind.

In the distance, Bilbo could hear Kili asking, “Will ya sleep with me?”

The Hobbit cringed at the choice of words. He could picture Kili's lopsided grin and his heart flew out to the older dwarf.

"Sure, if you want me," Fili answered. His sadness clearly mirrored in his voice, but the younger didn't seem to notice in his state and just laughed.

"Always," came the easygoing reply, and Kili closed the last bit of distance between them. 

And then the pair was out of earshot. Bilbo was left alone in the dark only accompanied by the thoughts of brothers and love.

"A little melodramatic those draws, if you asked me." Gandalf's voice came out of nowhere.

"Good gracious!" Bilbo sputtered. "You scared me to death," and after a second thought he added, "How long were you listening?"

The wizard chose to ignore the question and asked one of his own. "Well, what do you think of them, dear Bilbo?" He nodded in the direction the couple had just vanished.

The Hobbit huffed slightly offended. "Of curse, I feel sorry for poor Fili. It not fair."

Gandalf chuckled. "Things aren't always as they seem, Mr. Baggins," the old wizard replied mysteriously.


End file.
